First of all, TL:DR – They were shit.

So, Creed. I’m aware I’ve gone with a picture from the new film, but 1) I’d rather look at that, 2) It’s not easy to find other Creed pictures right now. (Yes I know it’s easy, it’s a fucking joke. Don’t @ me.) Why did we hate them? This is going to be a music video breakdown but not in the same way. Let’s start with a little background. Creed were mostly active in the mid-late 90s and then into the early 00s. They’re best described as…. *gags a little*… post-grunge. Let me take this moment to apologise to grunge. And posts. They were made up of 4 people and were 50% Scott based.

They seemed to sell well despite everyone hating them, but that happens. See Nickelback for further reflection on that.

I suppose at this point we should take a look at the video. (Apologies to those who just saw it as part of Midnight Music).

Now we’re not going to look at everything from this video, just a few choice moments.

[00:00] REASON 1 WHY CREED ARE SHIT: Let’s start at the beginning at least and take a look at this video style. This jumpy/zoomy/cutty technique was all over the shop back in the late 90s. You’ll probably know it mostly from Pink videos as she has had multiple videos that do it. It’s shit. It’s a bad style and it should die in a fire. The idea of it is to quickly change perspective whilst showing that a tiny bit of time has passed, which is why, even though you feel like you just zoomed out a bit, people have often moved and such. It’s SHIT. Also, in the same way you should not start sentences with ‘and’, you should not start music videos with Scott (1) Stapp’s face.

[00:02] REASON 2 WHY CREED ARE SHIT: We have pulled back from the Stappage and we see Brian on the left taking his shirt off. I have nothing against topless men, but don’t throw your shirt about like that. For one, look how nice and pristine (and obviously bullshit) this green room is. It doesn’t stay that way if you throw your clothes around like you’re some kind of stripper. I believe here we’re supposed to believe that this is them getting prepped for a show. Scott 1: The Phantom Menace looked visibly bored at the start. I would be, too, if I had to go on stage and play Creed music for an hour or so.

[00:08] REASON 3 WHY CREED ARE SHIT: We then zoom in and out 4 thousand times before we land at Mark who is wearing a shiny shirt. Need I go on? No. Good.

[00:14] REASON 4 WHY CREED ARE SHIT: After Mark gets up to go to the stage we get some pretentious “I’m practising drumming on my leg” from Scott 2: Attack of The Clones. At least he’s wearing stuff that 1) He’s kept on, 2) Isn’t shiny. Off he goes.

[00:21] REASON 5 WHY CREED ARE SHIT: No need to zoom in on that woman’s back first. Whilst they may think it was hot, it just makes it look like the camera guy can’t zoom in correctly.

[00:22] REASON 6 WHY CREED ARE SHIT: We zoom in on his foot. *sigh*

[00:24] REASON 7 WHY CREED ARE SHIT: Once the zoomwank is over, we get to Scott 1 who’s gone for the look of “I would save Nakatomi Plaza, but I don’t want to mess up my hair. Also, someone has padlocked me to the sofa”. Scott 1 gets up, looking like women bore him, and gets his plastic clad legs moving on the way to the stage. Then, possibly even worse than this, we zoom all the way through his eye to then find ourselves behind them as they continue their journey.

[00:35] REASON 8 WHY CREED ARE SHIT: Pretty standard walking to the stage stuff here. Nothing to get too annoyed at. All they need to do here is make their way to the stage, like they’re in Armageddon and they’re walking to the space rocket thing. Which, by the way, you do walk to just down the runway. Not through a building or anything. Just a runway in the middle of nowhere. If they manage that, they can avoid being hated in this moment. A bored looking woman appears so that Scott can look like he’s bored by her. Ruined it.

[00:55] REASON 9 WHY CREED ARE SHIT: Apparently it was important that we saw all 4 of them walk through this door. To make their escape. *eyeroll*

Right. Now that we’ve covered the first minute, the rest of the video is all very samey, so we’re just going to go over a few points.

[01:02] REASON 10 WHY CREED ARE SHIT: That special effect for the ceiling.

[01:04] REASON 11 WHY CREED ARE SHIT: Singing like that makes you look like a twat.

[01:14] REASON 12 WHY CREED ARE SHIT: That move.

[01:29] REASON 13 WHY CREED ARE SHIT: That odd crazed look makes Scott 1 look like a sex pest. Which he is.

[01:39] REASON 14 WHY CREED ARE SHIT: Crowd shots where people have ample room to dance. Unrealistic.

I could go on like this for ages, so I won’t. Let’s skip to the end, because it’s so fucking stupid it’s almost unreal.

[04:02] REASON 15 WHY CREED ARE SHIT: Brace yourself. Scott 1 moves to the front of the stage and give us the old Jesus pose. A few shots of static crowds later he’s in the fucking air. For no reason whatsoever. They all are, in fact. Why? Who cares. Scott then levitates over the crowd. We then zoom back in through Scott’s eye to see that this was all a pre-show dream. Why that woman only has a bra on is anyone’s guess. BECAUSE TITS! I don’t know why we needed any more tits. 4 of them are walking towards the fucking stage.

Conclusion: Creed are shit.