Yes, that image was tits with headphones on. So, I’ve got a new playlist for you. It’s going to be 40 songs long but I didn’t technically write it. 17 Year old me wrote it. I found a Mini Disc labelled “The Best Album In The World Ever”. So, let’s see how 17 year old me did as we review the list!
1. Scarlet – Independent Love Song.
Alright, not a bad start. A nice slice of pop from Hull based Scarlet. I used to listen to this quite a lot, but at the time I don’t think I’d ever given the lyrics any consideration. “I’m gonna show you how to take me, go down, go down, go down”. I’m just going to assume this isn’t an overwhelming demand for oral sex and it has some other meaning. Let’s move on.
2. Massive Attack – Protection.
Brilliant song with a brilliant video. Can’t really say anything bad about this. It’s a chunk of perfection to be honest. Great beat with brilliant vocals from overly lipsticked Tracy Thorn. Amazing. I’d include this on an album of the best songs now. This isn’t going so badly at all!
3. Robbie Williams – Back For Good.
Spoke too soon! I first heard this as it was a B-Side on one of his singles. It wasn’t this exact performance though, and in my defence, the one on the single was way better than this. It was live, like this, but it had a much greater production value and had the added benefit of not having to watch him run around the stage like a mentalist. Admittedly, things have gone downhill. Let’s hope the next one is a dance classic!
4. N-Trance – Set You Free.
Perfect. A fine example of 90s Eurodance. Kelly Llorenna’s vocals are ace and the song is just as catchy as herpes. There were plenty of really good dance tunes like this around at the time and I’m surprised I didn’t go with some Baby D instead, but no, I chose this. I’m happy with it. Wouldn’t choose it today obviously, but I’m not disappointed with myself for it being included 18 years ago.
5. Ultimate Kaos – Hoochie Bootie.
Jesus. This again. I think I’ve said all I need to say about this song recently, and the fact it’s come up in conversation with myself more than once in such a short space of time is weird.
6. All Saints – War Of Nerves.
This is the song that’s lead me to believe this was made 18 years ago when I was 17. Not because it’s one of the most recent songs on it, but because of the fact I don’t like it. Now, why would it be on here if you didn’t like it, Chris? Essentially my thought process is this… Everyone gets taken by songs, especially by artists they like when they’re released. If you look at the songs All Saints had released before this, there are far better tracks there that I would have picked if this hadn’t come out recently. Which is why, I think, I made this just after War Of Nerves was released not long after my 17th Birthday. If I had to pick an All Saints song now, and going off what would have been available at that time, I’d have picked Never Ever. After 2000 it would have been Pure Shores, as it’s pop perfection. So, by my logic, I made this around Christmas 1998. Hence, I was 17. Why don’t I like the song? I just think it’s not for me. I like other similar songs but I don’t like this. I think they struggled vocally at times and slowing the tempo down lead to them being overly breathy which made for worse vocals. They can sing, don’t get me wrong, especially Shaznay, but this just didn’t work for me. Also, lyrically it’s a bit all over the place. I loved Nicole Appleton, also.
7. Warren G – Regulate.
So, Regulate. A classic, I don’t think anyone can argue with that. I still listen to it quite happily when it’s on and wouldn’t skip it. I wouldn’t put it on my best album ever today though. A great opening sample from Young Guns and then into a first verse that seems to be Warren G trying to pick up some women to fuck.
It was a clear black night, a clear white moon
Warren G. is on the streets, trying to consume
Some skirts for the eve, so I can get some funk
Just rollin’ in my ride, chillin all alone.
Now, you have to ask yourself, does Warren G eat skirts? That last line would lead me to believe he was unsuccessful in his evenings quest for skirts. But then, Nate Dogg comes in with…
Just hit the Eastside of the LBC
on a mission trying to find Mr. Warren G.
Seen a car full of girls ain’t no need to tweak
all you skirts know what’s up with 213
Now… a minute ago he was all alone, but now he has enough women that Nate happily refers to them as a ‘car full’. So, I guess he got the skirts he wanted. Then, all of a sudden we’re back with Mr. G.
So I hooks a left on the 21 and Lewis
some brothas shootin dice so I said “Let’s do this”
I jumped out the ride, and said “What’s up?”
some brothas pulled some gats so I said “I’m stuck.”
So, Warren, with his apparent attention span of a toddler, has abandoned his women and/or collection of skirts to eat because he’s seen someone playing dice and he wants to join in? Why would you do that if you had a car full of women to transport. Do they just drive off in his car? Or are they hanging around just to watch Warren G play with dice? And apparently they just keep watching when they pull guns on Warren. This is the main reason I don’t get out of my car full of women to play dice with strange men in the middle of the night. Important life lessons from Warren G here. So Nate comes back with…
Since these girls peepin me I’ma glide and swerve
these hookers lookin so hard they straight hit the curb
Won’tcha think of better things than some horny tricks
I see my homey and some suckers all in his mix.
Erm… sure. I think he’s saying that when women watch him he loses the ability to drive? Either way he then spots Warren G getting.. I’m going to say jacked, I think that’s the word. I’m not sure. Let’s check.
I’m gettin jacked.
Cool. Nailed it.
I’m gettin jacked, I’m breakin myself
I can’t believe they taking Warren’s wealth
they took my rings, they took my rolex
I looked at the brotha said “Damn, what’s next?”
That verse is actually just funny. Also, I find that the best time to start referring to yourself in the third person is whilst getting mugged at gunpoint. It’s ok though, because Nate is back…
They got my homey hemmed up and they all around
ain’t none of them seeing if they going straight pound for pound
I gotta come up real quick before they start to clown
I best pull out my strap and lay them busters down
They’re sewing with him? Also, I think you might need more than a strap, Nate. They all have guns. Plus just laying them on the floor might not be the best move. I mean, they’d just get up again!
They got guns to my head
I think I’m going down
I can’t believe this happenin in my own town
If I had wings I could fly
let me contemplate
I glanced in the cut and I see my homey Nate
Oh my god, Warren, I feel your pain. Of all the places to get mugged, NOT MY OWN TOWN! Geography obviously a big part of Warrens feelings on street crime. If you had wings, you could fly? Sure. If you had the technology of Transformers and were a robot, you could transform into a cassette or something. If you were covered in bark you’d be a tree. What’s your point? Also, now isn’t the time for just standing there and contemplating. Uh oh, Nate’s back…
Sixteen in the clip and one in the hole
Nate Dogg is about to make some bodies turn cold
now they droppin and yellin
it’s a tad bit late
Nate Dogg and Warren G had to regulate
I laid all them busters down
I let my gat explode
now I’m switching my mind back into freak mode
if you want skirts sit back and observe
I just left a gang of those over there on the curb
So, Nate murders everyone, and then goes back to thinking about fucking everyone. Interesting thought process. It’s ok though, the women are still just stood there being impressed by the body count. The song continues but I’ve lost the will to live. Went off on one there a bit. Ace song though.
8. The Cardigans – My Favourite Game.
Classic. Still one of my fave songs and definitely still my fave Cardigans song. We’ve spoken about the video for this song before and the fact there are over 4 versions of it all with different endings. This version was previously banned, as were the others. The only version that was usable on MTV and such like was the one where you only see her side on driving down the road and you don’t even see the other cars crash or anything. Would possibly include this today.
9. Deee-Lite – Groove Is In The Heart.
A classic. Nothing more to add.
10. Vanilla Ice – Ice Ice Baby.