1988

1988, stuff happened, I was 7. Obviously the best 7 year old anyone has ever known, for I am awesome. Anyway, enough about me and how ace I am. (I’m not) So, 1988, MCMLXXXVIII! (Been practising my Roman Numerals! Why? Because I want to, you killjoy!) The Olympics were held is South Korea, The Soviet Union collapsed like a flan in a cupboard, and the World Health Organisation decided it was about to go medieval on Polio. (Spoiler: WHO pretty much won that one).

Singles!

So, this was a tough year for this. I’ve had to make some difficult choices. In many ways, this was worse than Sophie’s Choice. (For the record, if you ever have to choose between your children, just pick the one that’s most likely to earn some cash. That little bastard is going to put you in a home one day!)

Male Solo Single of the year.

Nominated:

Suedehead by UBERCUNT Morrissey
Get Out Of My Dreams, Get Into My Car by Rapey Ocean
Father Figure by George Michael

And The Winner Is…

Honestly, there was no point nominating things after Father Figure. Billy can drag as many women as he wants, kicking and screaming into his car, he’ll never be George! Ergh. What a loss. Faith is a classic album and always will be. Fuck you, Morrissey.

Female Solo Single of the year.

Nominated:

I Should Be So Lucky by Kylie. The only Kylie. Fuck you, Jenner.
Fast Car by Tracy Chapman
Tell It To My Heart by Taylor Dayne
I Think We’re Alone Now by Tiffany
Orinoco Flow by Enya

And The Winner Is…

Right. In my head, Taylor Dayne’s Tell It To My Heart is on par with Tracy Chapman’s Fast Car. I’ll explain why. Sometimes you want the finer things in life, sometimes you want the simpler things. This works with everything more or less. Fast Car is like an amazing Christmas Dinner. The King of Sunday Roasts. And I love Christmas Dinner. Sometimes though, I just want to boil up some pasta and then tip a can of Heinz Tomato Soup on it. Because it makes me happy. That’s Taylor Dayne. She’s the slutty looking, pissed up aunt who has re-applied her makeup on a tiny broken mirror at a family wedding she attended after letting her 5 year old daughter do her hair, who thought it’d be a good idea to knock one out on the Karaoke. And sometimes, that’s the perfect entertainment. It’s a damn fine pop song and I love her. Also her mouth is massive and I’m fairly sure she could just eat me.

Band/Group Single of the year.

Nominated:

A Little Respect by Erasure
Can I Play With Madness by Iron Maiden
The Fairytale of New York by The Pogues
Mother by Danzig
I Owe You Nothing by Bros
I’ll Be There For You by Bon Jovi
Sweet Child O’Mine by Guns N’Roses
Never Tear Us Apart by INXS
New Sensation by INXS
Theme From S’Express by S’Express AND IT IS A TRIP!
Orange Crush by R.E.M.
One by Metallica
Express Yourself by N.W.A.
Fuck Tha Police by N.W.A.
Desire by U2

And The Winner Is…

Had to be. INXS’ Never Tear Us Apart is immortal. There are so many good fucking songs in that list as well. This wasn’t an easy choice, but it was the right choice.

Song of the year.

And The Winner Is…

Live from 1988! The Pixies were perfect in their imperfection. They showed up, dropped 5 amazing albums and then left. Thankfully they came back again and what not but that initial run was something else. They have the ability to make music that sounds like it could have been produced yesterday, and that’s true for almost any point in time from the last 40 years. Simultaneously ahead of their time and old school. Think about how often that happens, because it doesn’t. Where Is My Mind? Is a song for the ages. An anthem for the rest of eternity.

Albums are on the way, I just need more time!